Cult of Personality Quiz

I found this on Dan Borvan’s blog and thought it was pretty good: Geneva ReduxFront

A quiz for church members to determine if they are participants in a personality cult. For you newcomers who have not yet taken the quiz, here it is again with new additions given first.

Disclaimer – This is not a critique of megachurches in general. Personality cults develop in large and small churches alike. Also, these descriptions are not necessarily the fault of the pastor. Any resemblence to known personalities is purely intentional.

1. Your pastor autographs people’s Bibles – As if he wrote it. Maybe he did – see #14

2. Your pastor’s interpretation/opinion is viewed by the congregation as virtually infallible – “Well, Pastor John Doe says that it means this, so that basically settles it.” Is he the pope?

3. In sermon illustrations/stories, your pastor is often the hero – If people remember the cool thing that he did in the story, rather than the text or Christ, he has failed as a preacher.

4. Your pastor cannot name 3/4 of the church members – I think that 3/4 is pretty low, but I’ll cut him some slack. After all, he has lots of Bible to sign.

5. You have been a member of the church for five years and your pastor has never invited you to his house – Probably because you are one of the 1/4 that he does not know by name.

6. The other pastors on staff copy your pastor’s preaching style – Including his mannerisms and regional/foreign accent. Why does your associate pastor from Maine sound like he’s from Alabama? Because the senior pastor is from Alabama.

7. Your pastor uses catchphrases in his sermons – People are upset when he has not said ____ in a while.

8. Your pastor’s salary is not published in the church budget – President Obama is considering a cap on your pastor’s salary, just like the Wall St. CEO’s.

9. Your pastor has a ghost-writer – He’ll slap his name on anything with a barcode.

10. Your pastor wears make-up in the pulpit, in order to look better on television – If he has had plastic surgery, run before fire and brimstone consume the church.

11. Your pastor has visible bodyguards – Sure, some pastors have threats on their lives, but do they have to make it obvious? Some just pay off-duty cops to act like their friends.

12. Your church receptionist will not confirm or deny if your pastor is or is not preaching this weekend – Why come if he’s not there?

13. Church attendance drops significantly when your pastor is not there – see #12

14. Your pastor has a product named after him – “John Doe’s guide to ___.” “John Doe’s method of ____.” “The John Doe Study Bible.”

15. Your church has multiple campuses which all broadcast the same sermon by your pastor – Very popular, but still wrong. Are his sermons so special that a live pastor is inferior? I’d rather stay home and watch on the internet in my pajamas.

16. Your pastor/church started a fellowship/association of churches – “Do not call it a denomination! I am not starting another denomination!” Seriously, it’s a denomination.

17. All church plants started by your church have the same name as the mother church – Greentree Bible Church – Miami; Greentree Bible Church – Boca Raton; Greentree Bible Church – Orlando; Greentree Bible Church – Del Boca Vista; etc.

18. Your pastor has multiple members of his immediate family working on the church staff – The church is not a family business, even if your pastor is treated like the Godfather – see # 2

19. The congregation keeps a mental note of your pastor’s neckties – “He wore the green paisley just last month.”

20. Your pastor’s wife is referred to as “The First Lady” – And she has her own ghost-writer.

21. People brag about being baptized by your pastor – I am of Peter, I am of Apollos…

22. Your pastor attracts Christian celebrities to your church- “You know that guy who does the voices for Veggie-Tales? He goes to our church. So does the guy who played lead guitar in Stryper.”

23. People move across the country to go to your church – “I moved from Spokane all the way to Atlanta just to go to John Doe’s church. We just couldn’t find anyone like him in Spokane.” When your pastor moves to a bigger church, they move with him.

24. Other pastors identify themselves and their churches with your pastor – “What is your church like?“ “Well, we are sort of like a John Doe church. I admire his ministry and we share the same doctrine. I try to do what he does, just on a smaller scale. I’ll never be as good as John Doe, chuckle-chuckle, but I sure try to come close.”

25. Your pastor has an agent – “Have your people call my people; we’ll do lunch.”

26. Your pastor lists the size of your church on the official church website – Are people more likely to visit the church if there are more than 1,000 people? 5,000? 10,000? Add one point to your score if the statistic is on the front page of the site.

27. Your pastor name-drops other cults of personality in his sermons – “I was recently having dinner with Pastor (fill the the blank) . . .” Your pastor’s sermons are like a Christian version of Access Hollywood.

28. Your pastor encourages other pastors in the denomination he has started (“It’s not a denomination!” See # 16) to preach his sermons as if they were their own – Why should average pastors struggle to write dynamic sermons when they can just hitch their wagon to the cult of personality’s star? When your pastor oozes this much awesomeness, it’s a crime to keep it to himself.

29. Your pastor is creating a brand – He has a denomination, books, Study-Bibles, conferences, study materials, a seminary, cruises, neckties, coffee mugs, pens, You-Tube page, etc. He’ll slap his name on more products than Donald Trump.

30. Your pastor employs a full-time writer for sermon illustrations, exegesis, background material, jokes, etc. – With all his time spent dazzling people with his brilliance and winning personality, your pastor cannot be expected to research matters of lesser importance.

31. Your pastor is related to another cult of personality – “You know who our pastor is? Pastor _____ ’s son! I know, I can’t believe it either.” Score two points for direct relation, one point for marrying into the line of genius.

Grading:

If your pastor scored more than ten, you’d better learn the secret handshake because you’re in a personality cult.

If your pastor scored between five and ten, be on the lookout for a new ministry that involves selling fake poppies. The cult is on the way.

If your pastor scored less than five, be thankful.